College drop off with a twist!

August is the month when my social media feed has a ton of back to school posts. Currently, it’s the kids off to college and soon it will be those sweet pics of grade school kids holding their sign announcing the beginning of a new school year! 

A few nights before my oldest, Ashley, was heading off to Purdue for her freshman year, she came into our bedroom during the night and woke me up. She had an earache and wasn’t sure what to take “Motrin or Tylenol?”. 

I was ready for her to step out into the real world, she was so ready, but this question shook me. How would she manage on her own? What would happen if she got an earache at school? We did not have an unlimited phone plan, come on, it was 2007, I think we all still had flip phones with T9 capabilities. How would she ask me those middle of the night questions? Of course, I woke up Chris and had him talk me off the ledge…she was fine. I was fine. We would all be fine.

Fast forward to Cassie leaving for college…and I thought the earache question was big? Lord have Mercy-, this kid was calling me to explain where a swollen lymph node was asking,“Do you think this is a problem?”  

WHATT?! This required a full triage, I needed FaceTime to be invented and quick! 

Cassie was diagnosed with cancer in 2008, graduated high school in 2009, and left for Michigan State University that fall. Just before her freshman year began, she started a chemotherapy that quickly left her bald, nauseous, and battling nearly every side effect listed in the fine print. On top of that, she had already undergone a hip replacement and pelvic resection, which limited her mobility. Freshman year for Cassie had very different challenges. 

I say all this to underscore my (hidden) anxiety about letting her leave for school.We always believed our kids needed dreams big enough—and the drive to chase them—that they would stay (mostly) on a path toward successful adulthood. Taking Cassie’s dream of going to MSU away would have derailed everything she had been working toward. We believed that without a future to look forward to, she’d lose her desire to fight.

It’s one thing to let her have her dreams but she also needed support, the kind we could not give. A dear friend mentioned we should reach out to the disability office at MSU to see what they had to offer. I told Cassie this and she firmly replied, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

…I called the disability office (of course I did!)

Cassie and I drove to campus and met with the disability team where they appreciated her desire to blend in and be treated like a “typical college student”. They empathetically explained the support that was possible and Cassie decided on the offerings that would be most helpful to her. With a few documents confirming her medical condition, Cassie was placed in a first floor dorm room, eliminating the stairs. Her dorm placement also was a bus pickup and was one of the first to have the sidewalks shoveled after a snowfall, little things that are important if you have a mobility disability. She was also given a “pass” (it was called something different) that allowed her to miss class if she wasn’t feeling well or had appointments, without penalty~I wonder if she overused this (of course she did). As a freshman, she was also allowed to have her car, on campus, in her dorm parking lot; she was coming home for infusions every other Monday.

I write this today not so you are amazed by Cassie’s determination to have a big life and our desire to help her make that happen but to bring awareness to disability offices on college campuses. They are tremendously helpful resources supporting dreams and often people don’t know this aid exists. If you know of someone off to college, chasing a dream and living with cancer (or any debilitating illness)…encourage them to look into this important resource. 

As Cassie’s mom, it didn’t take away my anxiety of having her almost two hours away but it helped to know she had a place on campus that supported her unique situation. 

I will leave you with a funny story (that was NOT funny in the moment).

It was November of 2011, Cassie was a junior. She had been experiencing a lot of random pain in her legs and arms so she was calling me often with concerns where I was playing a doctor, peppering her with triage questions. “How much water have you been drinking? Have you been sleeping well? Did you do anything different? Did you pull a muscle? When was your last bowel movement?” You know…the important things. 

It’s after 1:00am and my deep sleep is interrupted by a call from Cassie.

Me: “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

Cassie: “Hi, are you busy?”

Me: “What?!? ARE YOU OK???”

Cassie: “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I’m ordering a jersey for Nick for Christmas and free shipping ends in 2 hours. What size do you think he is?”

Me: “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! It’s 1:00am and you’re a cancer patient…you DO NOT call your mother in the middle of the night for a size request!”

I promptly hung up-and did not fall back to sleep.

I miss that kid…she always had a way to make light of her very serious situation. 

Peace, Love and Kayak

Karen

*If you are looking for some pro-tips on back to campus with cancer, check out our “Legal and Healthcare Help” page under out Resources tab >Triage Cancer is a wealth of knowledge!